


The Miraculous Syndicate

by Shisetsu



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Choking, Contracts, Denial of Feelings, Drunkenness, F/M, Fast To Update, Feelings Realization, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Suspicions, Tears, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-08-28 07:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16719019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shisetsu/pseuds/Shisetsu
Summary: AU where Hawkmoth is the leader of a Syndicate that takes requests such as killing, torturing or any of the similar, and does the job well.One day, Chat Noir- the most wanted assassin, by both citizens and the government, receives a strange request that might change his life forever.''Please kill me.''-----There are three known 'must' laws of the Miraculous Syndicate that members must abide by.1) Members must commit to and complete the given job without fail.2) Members must never, under any condition, reveal their identity to any third party.3) Members must certainly not engage in any love-related affairs whilst working under the Syndicate.Failure to follow these three laws will result in severe punishment.Chat Noir may or may not break all of them.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to write this, omg! I've had this idea for a year and I didn't know how to place it into words- so hopefully you will like it as much as I do! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated because that gives me the motivation to write! :D

Blood slid down the silver knife and dropped onto the cold dirty ground of a dark alleyway as a person scrambled away in fear from a black figure. A corpse lay there at the feet of the figure, partially hidden by the blackness of the night, a pool of blood surrounding it. The figure slowly turned around, a devilish grin evident on their face. With green eyes gleaming in the darkness, it began to slowly walk towards the person that was attempting to run away. 

As the figure stepped into the soft light emitted from the lamps on the lonely street, a man stood in its place. He was clad in black, cat ears were pinned onto what seemed like his golden hair, and a black mask hid half of his upper face, only enhancing his green eyes even more.

''P-Please spare my l-life, p-please, I will give you all the riches, everything j-just pl-please!'' The person begged.

The man threw his head back and laughed. ''Oh how much I treasure this moment, where they all want to be spared, where they are all reduced to begging for their lives.'' He closed his eyes and opened them after a couple of erratic heartbeats. 

''But do you know what is more beautiful?... It's the sound...'' Within seconds, he was hovering over the terror-stricken person.

''...of fear.''

The person let out a terrified scream as the man pierced the shaking body, again and again, laughing maniacally. Finally, the man pulled out the silver knife and sighed, admiring his work.

Gurgling, unable to scream or speak, the person fell to the ground, a pool of blood gathering quickly around.

''Too fast for my liking.'' Said the man with a shrug.

''You sound disappointed.'' A flash of red appeared next to him. The female looked at the two people who were now reduced to corpses and wrinkled her nose. ''You always make such a mess and leave me to clean up after you.''

''Ladybug.'' The man stated in acknowledgment. ''Trash like them deserve to be tortured, however, my order was to quickly kill them. If it were my will...'' He trailed off, stunning green eyes gleaming with lust. Lust to spill their blood and hear the fear in their screams.

The female clad in red smiled. A gentle buzz of a phone tore through the silence that had begun to form. Opening an old Motorolla flip phone, she addressed her partner. ''We have a new order.''

With a nod, both figures leaped into the shadows, earnest to claim their next victims.


	2. Please Kill Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, don't follow any of this, don't attempt this at home. 
> 
> ....If you are feeling depressed, please get help and don't ever think suicide is the answer.

Your POV

You sigh as you flip through the pages of the textbook- not at all focusing on the words printed on the boring pages. Your phone buzzes from somewhere under the pile of papers and notebooks, however. you were too tired to search for it, let alone care.

Giving up, you grab the textbook and fling it somewhere behind you and sigh. ''What's the point.''

You swivel around on your chair till you feel nauseous and then abruptly stop. ''What is the point in a life I despise and want to end?''

Silence.

You sigh again and get up from your chair to search for the continuously buzzing phone. After minutes of searching between overdue assignments and projects, you find it.

Scrolling through the notifications, you see an email from your professor (probably asking why you are failing his class) but like always, you hope the future you can deal with this crap.

You scroll down, and down.

From the number of notifications and speedy scrolling, your phone lags and refuses to power off or quit the app. 

''Wow, even G-Mail has forsaken me.'' Just as you are about to throw away the useless phone, you peek at the notification it's lagging on.

_**A new crime committed by the M-Syndicate! Cha...**  _

''Hmm, another one.'' Suddenly, your phone stops lagging and you accidentally tap on the email. ''Well, might as well read.''

**Chat Noir Claims Another Victim!**

******_Yesterday around 2 AM, witnesses report muffled screaming from a nearby alleyway, only to find not one, but TWO dead people. Our thoughts go to their families, rest in peace!_   
**

**_These two are considered to be one of the most important people in the entirety of France..._ **

You stop reading and blink. 

_Interesting._

You grab your laptop and pull up google chrome to type up the syndicate.

A bunch of results come up but the third one is what catches your eye. You click on it and get directed to a black website that slowly reveals some kind of directions.

**1) Text number xxx-xxxx-xxx with your job request**

**2) Wait for a reply.**

''Totally not creepy...'' You trail off as your eyes meet the knife you attempted to kill yourself with a couple of hours ago.

''If only taking a life is as easy as they made it be.'' 

You close your eyes as black swirls take over your vision along with a world of never-ending galaxies. If it was the old you, you would've been captivated by it.

But now you were 20 years old (Y/N), a depressed college student who has tried to kill herself many times with no avail.

No avail...or rather...you are afraid to do it.

Maybe deep down, you don't want to die. Maybe you wanted to be saved.

But you know it's impossible.

...

Suddenly an idea comes to mind, it's possibly the worst and best idea you've ever had within your 20 years of living.

You open up your laptop that is still on M-Syndicate's page and tap in the number.

With a deep breath, you type a simple three-word sentence.

''Please kill me.''

Send.


	3. How Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo ya'll, if you are reading this mess of a story, please COMMENT so I get the motivation to write. I really like writing this story okay, I try to update quickly.
> 
> LOVE YA'LL (but I love chat noir more >:D)

Chat Noir's POV

 _Bzzzz_  

''Finally new orders, I was starting to get bored.'' Chat Noir smiled as he flipped open his phone. 

Reading the message, he cocked his head to the side and blinked for a couple of heartbeats. ''...What is this?''

The message read three simple words, 'Please kill me.' He pursed his lips together and looked up the IP address, it wasn't very far from his current spot. 

''I hope this isn't a prank, or else...'' He threatened dangerously as he leaped from building to building. Chat Noir came to an abrupt stop on a building and eyed the one in front of him. He squinted his eyes but gave up when that did not do anything, and took out his baton which had the properties of a magnifying glass. 

As he scanned the windows of the apartment in front, he caught sight of a girl sitting on her chair, piles of papers on her desk among scattered notebooks. 

''What the, she's just a kid...'' Chat Noir mumbled angrily.

Within one leap he was standing at the small balcony of the apartment, the girl yet to notice him despite his large black figure blocking the light. He watched her sigh and rummage through her papers, clearly looking stressed out. He wondered how old she was. She couldn't have been more than 18, yet she looked like she was 30 from how stressed her face looked like.

Deciding that he had enough observing his new supposed client, he whispered 'cataclysm' and broke the lock on the door, allowing him access to the girl's room. Opening it slowly, it made a creak and the girl jumped up, falling painfully onto the carpeted ground.

Chat Noir actually  _winced_. He bit his lip to stop from asking if she was okay.

_What has gone over me?_

''W-Who-'' She was trembling, her (E/C) glistening with tears threatening to fall.

_Did I get the wrong person...?_

He typed up a message to the person who sent the request. Deep down, he hoped it wasn't her. Why?

_Ping!_

She looked down at her phone and then met his own shocked eyes. ''You-You're Chat Noir?''

Her voice was so quiet he thought he didn't hear what she said. Regaining his composure, he stepped inside and bowed. ''That's what they say, m'lady. I have received your request loud and clear-'' With a quick move, he had his silver knife in his hands.

''Let's get to business, yeah?'' He smiled.

She squealed and backed up to the wall. ''W-Wait, will it h-hurt?''

Chat Noir placed a hand on his lips in thought. ''It varies from person to person.'' He stepped closer and she swallowed.

''What about the contract?!'' She spluttered out.

He blinked and then laughed. ''This  _is_  the contract! I was right, you really are just a silly child.''

Her eyes widened, and she stood up, pointing a finger at him. ''I am NOT a child, I'll have you know that. Was it wrong to assume my death was coming faster than I had anticipated?!'' Her burst and quick change in personality made him smile.

''Feisty all of a sudden, hm?'' He grabbed her hand and had her pinned up the wall within mere seconds. He stopped smiling and stared seriously into her eyes.

''Just so you know, I could do  _anything_  at this moment and no one would defend you.'' He put emphasizes on the word 'anything' as she writhed under his stronghold, her trembling coming back.

''Know why?'' He trailed the knife up her thigh and tears began to fall down her cheeks.

_Weak._

''Because now we are bound to a contract till I fulfill your request.'' Blood trailed down her (S/C) thighs and was breathing erratically either from fear or from the sight of her own blood. 

Chat Noir removed his glove and cut open a wound that was now reduced to a scar, blood trickled down his hand as he grabbed her own hand. Drops of blood fell in the middle of her palm as she watched, eyes wide with horror as he wiped the silver knife on his other hand which was now bare. ''What...are you doing...?''

''The contract is complete now- when both parties come in contact with each others blood, we have sealed it. We are not free from it unless I complete the job.'' Chat Noir said in a monotone voice, having explained this so many times to his clients.

As it dawned on her that now her fate is sealed, she collapsed onto the ground and didn't move.

''Oh dear, is she dead?'' He poked her arm and watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

The ghost of a smile played on his lips as he got up and stared at the small weak girl who dared to stand up to him when no one else did. He was starting to get bored from the same reactions over and over.

A strange feeling settled in his stomach.

Chat Noir felt like something huge was about to change.

Like he had sealed his own fate along with hers.

_What a joke. She is merely a kid who didn't know what she is dealing with._

_Yet...why does it feel like I will regret this?_


	4. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaa'll I'm so excited to post this, it's a really long chapter, about 1485 words! I tried very hard to make it longer because I feel like I'm eating up some words .-.
> 
> Comment on how you want me to improve, or if you have any ideas!
> 
> I'll be looking forward!

Your POV

You blinked your eyes open, the sunlight coming in from the windows almost blinding you.

You were never a morning person, and as far as you know, it was rare that someone was. Thanks to college, you are now a night owl. You got up and stretched, but as you were about to stand up, a sharp pain in your thigh made you fall onto the bed again.

''What the hell...?'' You looked down and saw your thigh bandaged up, blood seeping through.

You didn't remember putting a bandage on it.

Memories of the night before came back to you and you lay down on the bed again with a sigh. You stared at your ceiling and then your hand where dried blood stained it.

''Contract...huh.''

Deciding that laying around was enough and that chances are you are late to your class were evident after glancing at the clock, you put on whatever and mildly limped in the streets of Paris. On your 'walk' you thought about the eventful day you had.

You had heard about the infamous assassin Chat Noir who both citizens and the government wanted. But those who tried to capture him never came any closer to success. After all, it was impossible to catch the man who has nine lives, as a cat does.

Lots of research has been done on him and the Miraculous Syndicate, but very little, almost nonexistent information was revealed to the public. You'd have to be a hacker or something to access all the hidden things about him.

And yet somehow, you managed to make a contract with him- you, (Y/N), an average college student, have just requested him to kill you.

_I would be lying if I said I was afraid of what was to come._

''I wonder when he will kill me...'' You muttered.

That was another thing, you didn't discuss with him how he intended to kill you or how you intended to be killed, but deep down you hoped this discussion wouldn't be happening for a while.

Soon you realized you were at the doors of your college, dreading what's to come.

You walked around the campus to find the class you were supposed to go, which was a class you barely attended nowadays. As you walked, you glanced at advertisements of the most famous model, Adrien Agreste, who coincidentally, went to the same college you do.

_What is the point of being in the same college when you never actually meet him?_

''(Y/N)! Hey!'' You heard your friend calling you. Turning around, you saw Alya Césaire and her best friend Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

''Hey, good morning.'' You waved and walked towards them.

''Morning? Girl! It's afternoon already. We are about to head to lunch, wanna come?'' Alya grinned.

You nodded, despite the fact you ate 'breakfast' an hour ago.

''How are you doing (Y/N)?'' Marinette smiled gently.

''Fine, just stressed out with all the projects.''

''I know! Our professor gave us a huge project that cannot be finished before the last day it's due.'' She sighed.

We all laughed because we related more than anything.

''Oh, isn't that...Adrien?'' Alya squinted at the flock of girls surrounding a golden-haired boy.

Your heart jumped at the name and you squinted alongside them. ''I-Is it really?''

''You stuttered!'' Marinette laughed.

A blush tinted your cheeks. ''I just find him handsome. I-I have never actually met him in person...''

''What?! You've been here for two years!'' Alya raised an eyebrow. Then she and Marinette shared a look and they both smiled.

''Oh no, I know that smile, y-'' They both grabbed your hands and dragged you towards the group of girls while you were shouting.

''No! I'm not ready!''

In seconds you were standing in front of the Adrien Agreste.

_oh god oh god oh go-_

''Hey.'' He smiled like a freaking angel sent from the heavens and waved a hand in front of your face. A whiff of his cologne invaded your nose and you inhaled softly.

''U-Um h-hi...'' You dared meet his eyes and realized how beautiful they were in real life, not like all the posters around town.

You were captivated.

You tried to ignore how their greenness looked so much like another pair of green eyes you'd seen recently.

''Get out of the way!'' A girl pushed you and you fell onto your bad thigh.

''Ah!'' You winced, seeing the blood stain your jeans.

A hand was extended in front of you and you glanced up. ''T-Thanks...'' You said as Adrien hauled you up.

''Are you okay?'' The moment he said those words, he looked like he tasted something strange in his mouth- like he wasn't used to saying such a thing.

''Fine, thank you.'' You tried to ignore the throbbing pain in your thigh.

He glanced at the group of girls and they scattered, mumbling threats to you and giving you dirty looks.

_Great, the bullying ensues!_

''It was my fault you got hurt, how can I ever fix my mistake?'' Adrien said, worry evident in his eyes.

I shook my head. ''No, no, no! I was already injured from...an incident. It really is okay!''

Adrien nodded. ''Then at least, may I know your name? I will send you a gift.''

_Holy shit, Adrien is asking for MY name._

''I-It's (Y/N)...''

''(Y/N)...what a lovely name. I'm Adrien Agreste.''

 _Of_ course _I know you._

''Y-Yea.''

_Really? That's all that my brain could muster? That is the most intelligent reply I could let out?_

''It was nice meeting you, (Y/N). See you around.'' He flashed a model smile and walked away, leaving you dumbfounded.

 

A hand brushed your hair from your face and you jolted awake. Screaming, your chair tipped over as a familiar face loomed over you- Chat Noir.

''Whoa!'' He was taken aback at the scene that just unfolded in front of him. He extended his hand out, but you refused to take it.

''What do you want.'' You stated rather than asked.

He pulled back his hand and grinned. ''We never got to finish what we started yesterday.''

Your hand automatically covered your thigh and you try to muster any courage. ''We already did the contract, did we not?''

''Indeed we did, m'lady.'' He watched as you crawled away from him and hugged your knees. In order to make you feel at ease, he sat cross-legged on the carpet, a few meters away from you.

''I mean no harm- yet. I would like to discuss how you'd like to be killed.''

You sighed and relaxed a little bit. ''I'm not sure yet.'' You glanced at the silver knife that shimmered in the light.

Whoever saw them would think they were having a normal conversation about everyday things.

''Based on what I have observed, or heard from people around you-''

''You OBSERVED me? And talked to people around me?'' You interrupted, flaming.

He shrugged. ''Well, of course, I have to do some research on my client, right?''

''That is an invasion of privacy!''

Chat Noir had to stop himself from facepalming. ''Hey, you don't seem to understand the situation you are in.''

You shut up and listened.

_True._

''Haven't I said it? I could do anything to you right now and nothing, not anyone, not the law, not anything can defend you or protect you.''

You gulped and hugged your knees closer. He was right.

_This is the consequences of a choice I made._

''My job is to finish the job request- which is to kill you. Since you issued that request, I'm asking you.'' He continued.

''I...can't cancel the contract?''

He shook his head. ''We're in this together until I kill you.''

You met his eyes as he said the next few words.

''How would you like to be killed?''

In the light of the room, he looked innocent, his hair was messy, the black suit looked like he was only cosplaying, not to mention the cat ears attached to his hair somehow- it seemed like everything was normal. You even wished this was all a dream, that you'd wake up and nothing would be wrong.

But it wasn't.

He was real, and he was out to kill you because of your idiotic choice.

For once, you realized you wanted to live. To breathe, to see your friends, to talk to Adrien once more, and eat all the amazing food in the world.

You pursed your lips together.

_There is no turning back now._

''I...''

And so you told him.


	5. Frozen Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is pretty long, 1700 words. Not bad me. :)
> 
> YA'LL PLEASE COMMENT I FEEL SO LONEY T-T thanks to natalia though, natalia is the only one who is commenting :>
> 
> BE LIKE NATALIA.
> 
> Jk I love you guys but I want some love back too..

Chat Noir's POV

Ever since (Y/N) had told Chat Noir how she would like to be killed, he's been constantly watching her.

Not creepily of course, just observing, and genuinely wondering why such a girl would want to die.

But he was fine with it, as long as he was able to watch his second favorite color spill onto the ground, he was fine with it.

And he also got to name whatever price he wanted-

Wait.

Price.

_Shit, I forgot to name a price for this request._

He dangled his feet over the building across her apartment as he watched (Y/N) run her fingers through her hair and then bang her fist on the table in frustration.

_A price...well, she clearly doesn't have money that would satisfy me, nor a body, so what kind of price do I want for this job?_

(Y/N) seemed to have had enough with whatever she was working on. She got up and opened the balcony door to get some fresh air. Chat Noir leaped up and hid behind a chimney, it wouldn't be cool to be caught watching her right now.

But he poked his head out from behind the chimney and blinked.

_How about..._

A little bird landed on the rail of the balcony and she smiled, holding out her finger for it to jump on.

Chat Noir smiled- or rather grinned as an idea came to him.

_Let her live her life, meet new people, become happy, and then strip away that happiness._

_It's perfect._

Satisfied with his wonderful idea for a price, he turned his back to her and jumped away to another building.

 

As Adrien turned the corner, he felt someone topple into him and fall backward- it was none other than (Y/N).

''Oh my god! I'm so sorry, I should've been looking where I was go-'' Panicking, she looked up in horror.

''A-Adrien!'' She squealed.

He smiled and helped her up. ''(Y/N), was it?''

She nodded, looking a little red. ''I-I'm sorr-'' He placed a finger on her lips and smiled again.

''No need to apologize, it's partially my fault. Speaking of which, I've forgotten to give you a gift!''

The girl looked confused for a second before she remembered. ''You don't have to-''

''Oh no, I insist. How about this Saturday, 5 PM at the Coffee shop near the Seine?''

Her eyes widened. ''W-Wait, a date?''

_Did it sound like that? Oh well._

''If you want it to be, yes.'' He cocked his head to the side innocently.

She looked like she was about to pass out.

''(Y/N)?'' He called out to her.

''Y-Yes!'' Her sudden formalness stirred up genuine laughter, something he hasn't done in years.

Her reactions were so different when he was his alter ego, Chat Noir.

She was such an interesting girl.

A perfect prey for suffering.

''See you then, (Y/N).'' 

As he left, she collapsed onto the ground.

 

Tired after signing autographs after autographs and taking pictures, Adrien Agreste waited in front of the coffee shop near the Seine, hoping no more fan girls would bombard him.

It was a little after 5. (Y/N) was late.

How dare she.

He watched as his warm breath turned into the cold white air making the shape of a speech bubble. It was a cold day.

''Adrien!'' Horrified, he turned around thinking it might be another fan girl when (Y/N) ran up to him, looking...

_Cute._

''I'm sorry I'm late, it took a while to choose what to wear...''

''It's alright, I haven't been standing here for too long anyway.''

_Bullshit. But I'm not annoyed as I should be._

He smiled his usual smile. ''You look wonderful!''

''T-Thanks..'' She trailed off, patting her hair down. Her mini skirt fluttered with the breeze that passed by and she shivered.

''Let's get going shall we?'' 

She nodded and lagged behind him. 

Sighing softly, he turned around to face her. ''Why aren't you walking beside me?''

''A-Ah um, I just...'' She tripped over her words and hoped he got what she wanted to say.

He didn't.

''Just...? I don't smell do I?'' He raised an eyebrow, a little worried, despite making sure to put on his favorite cologne before leaving.

Why does it bother him though?

She waved her hands in protest. ''No! I just feel a little...I don't know...I mean you're Adrien Agreste, and I'm a nobody.''

_Oh, so it was an issue with self-esteem._

''Nonsense.'' Without realizing what he is doing, he took her hand and pulled her to walk next to him.

''A-Adrien!?'' 

''You aren't a nobody, you are (Y/N).'' He found himself saying.

_My god, what is wrong with my stupid mouth? Saying shit I don't usually say!_

Adrien turned his head a little just enough to see her smiling blushing face.

He found himself naturally smiling but soon tried to revert to his model poker face. 

_It's working, she's happy. And it's the best sight in the world- because it means I can soon strip it away from her._

As they walked side by side down the Seine, his eyes widened. ''It's Andre!''

''Eh?'' He pulled her with him as they ran towards the chubby ice cream man.

They reached Andre's ice cream cart. ''Oh! What a beautiful couple. Here is an ice cream for the pretty young lady.'' Andre smiled happily at (Y/N) and hands her an ice cream.

She looks at her ice cream, it's chocolate, pistachio, and vibrant strawberry flavors. ''Wow!''

When she looks at Andre to thank him, she realizes Adrien has yet to get an ice cream. Andre looks very perplexed. 

Finally, he seems to decide on flavors for Adrien and hands the ice cream to him.

''Can I see?'' She asks.

Adrien nods uncertainly. It's three flavors like hers, but instead of chocolate, pistachio and strawberry, he has rainbow, licorice, and pink bubblegum flavors.

''Does this mean your gay?!'' 

''What?! No!'' Adrien is dumbfounded. Why such colors?

''I think Andre's love knowledge is growing old, or maybe you don't have anyone you like.'' A sad smile fell on her face but Adrien didn't take notice.

''Anyway, let's go sit on a bench.'' Without waiting for her reply, Adrien headed towards an empty bench, still wondering why he got such colors. 

''Acho!'' A soft sneeze broke him out of his trance. He wondered what he should do to make her feel warmer. On top of that, he realized he didn't help the situation by eating ice cream on a winter day. But it's too late to stop now.

''Thank you, I mean, for today.'' She grinned, her nose red.

Surprised, he nodded and ate his ice cream. 

_Thank you...What strange words._

They watched as the sky turned twilight, it's beauty reflecting in her (E/C) eyes. ''I'm glad I came to Paris.'' She whispered.

Unsure if he heard correctly, he didn't respond.

But deep down, he was slightly glad too.

 

''It's getting colder with each passing day.'' Ladybug complained, hugging herself tightly.

Chat Noir sighed. ''It's almost December after all.''

''I got a job to drown someone, it didn't work out very well. Let's just say they grabbed me with them into the freezing water. God, it was hell.'' She shivered at the memory.

''Sucks to be you.''

''How's your new job going?''

He closed his eyes. ''I don't know.''

''What do you mean?''

Without replying, he leaped up away from his partner's pressuring questions. He better check up on that stupid girl.

Reaching her balcony, he peeked in and saw no light. Weird.

Today was Sunday, she wouldn't be anywhere. Alya was out of Paris along with Nino and as far as he knew, (Y/N) didn't have any other friends.

Opening the balcony door like it was nothing, he was hit with a cold breeze from the room. ''What the?'' He mumbled, walking inside.

It was even colder than outside! 

He stumbled to find a light switch, trying to remember where he had seen it last time he had been here-

_Click!_

The light illuminated the freezing room as he lay his eyes on the familiar face of (Y/N), lying in bed.

_Oh, she had better not be dead._

Taking off his gloved hand, he shook her gently. ''(Y/N)?''

No response. 

Holy shit.

_How do you check the pulse of someone? Shit!_

Chat Noir placed a finger on her wrist, feeling a very faint heartbeat. That's when he noticed how burning she was despite how freezing the room was.

''Hey, (Y/N)! Can you hear me? Goddammit, this is why I hate weak people!''

A voice inside him told him it was partially his fault for making her eat ice cream in the cold yesterday while she was wearing thin clothing.

Taking out his baton, he dialed Ladybug.

''Missed me already?'' Her cheerful voice boomed out.

''In your dreams Bugaboo. Anyway, (Y/N)'s sick, what do I do?''

Silence.

''Why not leave her to die?''

Chat Noir blinked and stayed silent.

Yeah, why not let her die? It's what she wants isn't it?

''Ch-Chat..?'' A weak voice.

He turned to the female who was barely awake, eyes lidded, face red from fever and breathing heavily.

''You're really sick, don't talk.'' He whispered gently, quiet enough to not allow Ladybug to hear.

She nodded, swallowing. ''Thank..'' not continuing her sentence, she fell asleep.

He found himself hanging up the call and sitting beside the sick girl. 

In her dream, she reached out to a warm light. In reality, she was clasping the black cat's warm hand. 

Chat Noir held it back, relishing the moment, deep down knowing he would regret his choice. 

_Let her live for a while longer._

_She still has yet to see the amazing wonders of this world._


	6. Silent Scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg long chapter, even longer than the one before! 
> 
> COMMENT, KUDOS AND SUBSCRIBES ARE APPRECIATED!!!! IT GIVES ME MOTIVATION
> 
> wish me luck on my tests for this week :<

Your POV

''Ughhh...'' You groaned as you tried to open your eyes. Your body felt like someone had thrown it off a 10 story building. But it was warm, and despite your body feeling like shit, you felt like you had the best sleep in years. Blinking, you realized how dark it is.

''Wha-'' You mumbled, touching your face.

You had a sleeping mask that you definitely don't remember putting on.

Removing it, the sudden light blinded you and you shut them again. Then something shifted against your own warm body.

''WHO-''

''Don't look!'' A hand flew up to your eyes as you opened them, his other hand pinning your own to the bed. You knew that voice.

''C-CHAT NOIR?'' You screamed. 

He breathed a sigh of relief. ''Don't you dare try to do anything-'' He warned as you felt him get up from the bed, hand still covering your eyes.

''W-What did you do? Why on earth are you here?'' Your voice shook.

You felt him slipping on the sleeping mask again and you dared open your eyes only to find darkness.

''You were sick, and I took care of you.''

_Well, that explains why I feel shitty._

''Claws out.'' You heard him mumble. 

''What did you say?''

''Nothing.'' He pulled off the sleeping mask and you were met with a face you don't get to see every day. 

To be fair, no one wakes up to  _Chat Noir's_ face. If they did, wouldn't it mean their death day has arrived?

''How are you feeling?'' He asked.

You nodded. ''A little tired but I'll survive.''

''Goo-'' He stopped and looked like he was having an internal argument with himself.

_Good?_

You chuckled to yourself and he raised an eyebrow. You then smiled up at him. ''Thank you, Chat Noir.''

''Chat.'' 

''Eh?'' You blinked.

''C-Call me Chat, you can drop the noir. It's too long.'' Chat turned his head away from you, slightly, very slightly, blushing.

You grinned. ''Okay!''

_What a change of heart._

_It feels...different?_

You stared at him as he poured himself some water from the kitchen tap, then grabbing another glass for you. 

''Stop staring.'' He said as he basically slammed the cup of water down on the nightstand. ''Just because I took care of you or whatever, doesn't mean we are suddenly 'bffs'.''

_Yeah..._

''But then...why did you take care of me?'' You found yourself saying. Unable to stop, you met his eyes desperately. 

''You could've left me to die with high fever, or killed me.''

He looked away. ''Stop...''

''Yet you nursed me back to health and even bought me wa-'' Chat grabbed your neck and slammed you to the wall.

And that's when you knew, you fucked up.

Struggling, unable to breathe, tears spilled down from your eyes.

''I don't know why! I was supposed to kill you, wasn't I? Isn't that what you want!?''

For some reason, although you were about to pass out, a hurt look flashed in his eyes.

_Why...?_

''Yet I found myself taking care of you, unable to bring myself to leave you there, I don't understand...I don't understand to make you understand, (Y/N)...'' His hold weakened and you pulled his hand away, coughing. 

Realization dawned on him as he stood there, not knowing what to do as you rubbed your throat where his hold had made a bruise.

''Mon dieu...I-I'm...'' Chat swallowed and shut his mouth.

''Le-leave.'' You coughed out.

Without a word, he practically dived out of the balcony, out into the streets of the busy Paris.

 

''Done!" You grinned as you placed your pencil onto the desk.

Two days have passed since that incident, and within those two days, you haven't seen either Chat Noir or Adrien.

It was for the better of course since you would be distracted by Adrien and dying with Chat Noir. You had the entirety of these two days to study for your finals which you probably still failed. 

But remember your motto?

Leave everything to future me. She'll deal with them better.

"(Y/N)! How'd it go?" Marinette smiled.

"The usual, shit."

"Oh don't say that you couldn't have possibly gotten worse than me- right?" Alya jumped in.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe fate was different?"

"We'll find out soon anyway. For now, how about we five go celebrate? " Marinette asked excitedly.

I stared at her. "Five?"

Alya and Marinette grinned at each other. 

"Oh no- you don't mean--"

The evil smirk they had was enough to tell you otherwise.

 

So that's how you currently found yourself seated next to Adrien in a karaoke bar supposedly celebrating your  ~~failure~~  success in the finals. You drank a glass of whatever they had poured, it's burning taste exploding in your mouth.

"I'm in love with your booody oha oha oha oha~" Alya sang at the top of her lungs.

Suddenly Adrien leaned near your ear. "It's been a while, how are you?" 

Trying hard to avoid sniffing his cologne and hoping the light would cover your blush, you smiled back. "I've been fine, how were your finals?"

Unconsciously you grabbed your glass and drained it.

"I think they made them too easy this year, don't you think?" 

_Of course he would think it's easy. He isn't the smartest for nothing._

Saved from replying by your turn to sing, you excused yourself grabbing the glass that had refilled somehow and stood on the mini stage the room provided.

A familiar beat started playing and you looked at Nino like  _wtf_  because he had 'twinkle twinkle little star'.

Sighing, you began to sing it bored. ''Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.''

Marinette was laughing in the background while you gave up on singing it. ''Nino, you're supposed to be a DJ not a nursery rhymer.''

''Sorry my bad, I thought it would be funny. Right, Adrien?'' We all looked at Adrien who was staring at you with an open mouth.

Alya nudged him. ''Earth to Adrien?''

''Wha-'' He blushed and cleared his throat. ''Yeah it was funny.''

_Oh boy._

''Try singing this,'' Nino advised, picking a song.

The song started playing and your eyes widened. ''It's my favorite song!''

''Even though it's so old?'' Marinette looked over Nino's shoulder.

You grinned and began singing without even bothering to look at the lyrics- you knew this song by heart.

''You are, my fiiiire. The one...desiiiiree. Believe..'' You met Adrien's eyes and smiled.

''When I say, I want it...that way.'' 

''Woooo! Go girl!'' Alya cheered.

''But we, are two worlds apart, can't reach to your heart...'' Chat Noir's face flashed in your mind and you shook your head in horror as you continued.

_Why did I just...what?_

''Tell me why, ain't nothing but a heartttache, tell me why! Ain't nothin but a missstake~''

_I never realized how fitting this song is to my situation._

''I never wanna hear you sayyy, I want it that way.''

 

''She's wasted isn't she.'' They all looked at you as you danced around, singing random songs.

''I think she drank more than she should've.'' Alya giggled. ''Doesn't seem like she can hold her liquor well.''

Adrien grabbed you as you almost stepped onto the street giggling. ''Adrrrrien!'' You rolled your tongue at the 'r' in his name. 

_What a cuutie!_

''Did you like- like my singing?'' You slurred, hanging onto him.

He laughed. ''Yea, you were great.''

Your eyes widened in happiness. 

''It's decided then, Adrien's taking her home.''

He tried to protest as you screamed on top of your lungs. ''Yaaaay! Adrien's taking me hooome!''

''(Y-Y/N)!'' 

''Fine I will.'' He rolled his eyes at you. 

After long attempts of trying to get you to sit in his car, he finally took off in the direction of your home he knew too well.

''Adrrrien...'' You mumbled, staring out the window.

''What is it?''

''Kiss me.''

''Later.''

''Now.''

''You're drunk, you can't consent to it.'' He stated.

''I am noot!'' You complained. ''Adrrrien I-'' 

He placed a finger on your lips- stopping you from saying any more. ''Don't say it, you don't mean it.''

''I-''

''Shhh.''

You closed your mouth and frowned.

_I do, don't I?_

Your stomach began to lurch and before you knew it, Adrien was shouting and you were vomiting out the window.

Well then.

 

You woke up around 2 AM, in your bed somehow feeling sober but having hazy memories about 'yesterday'.

You remembered asking Adrien something...

Oh well, you'll remember in due time.

Wide awake, you sat on your balcony. You were wondering if maybe you were at fault for Chat's violent behavior before.

You were.

You shouldn't have pressed on the reason why he didn't kill you. 

Slowly, you realized you were yearning for him to appear, just to apologize of course.

Unknowingly to you, a black cat watched you from the shadows as you sighed, face filled with guilt

''Can't sleep?'' He landed on the railing. 

''Chat!'' You were about to smile but remembered your position. ''No, what about you?''

''Things happened, I can't sleep.''

''So you were just waiting for me to appear on my balcony?''

''Maybe.''

You realized how simple it is to talk to him despite what has happened.

Maybe it's true that people become sentimental after midnight.

''Idiot.'' He said suddenly.

''Eh? Who?''

''You.''

''I'm not!''

''Says the one with 'guilt' written all over her face. It's...partially my fault you know. I shouldn't have lashed out so fast.'' He said, dangling his feet over the rail.

_What a strange night._

''No, I shouldn't have pressured you to answer. I'm sorry Chat.'' You stared at the dark sky that was illuminated by the beautiful moon. It was a nice clear night despite it being winter.

_I never would have thought I'd find myself standing on my balcony, having such a talk with the assassin Chat Noir._

A soft smile fell on his lips. ''I don't have an answer to the question, (Y/N).''

''It's okay, curiosity killed the cat, which almost happened to me. Literally.''

Wincing, he commented. ''But satisfaction bought it back. It... doesn't hurt does it?'' He ruffled your hair. 

Then as if he realized what he did, he blinked. ''I don't know why I did that.''

You giggled as he joined you in the action.

''I'm scared this will be a dream and that I'll wake up and we're still stuck in the past.'' You told him truthfully.

''It's not.'' He took out his silver knife with a grin. ''Wanna test it out?''

''You are crazy.'' You laughed.

''Let's go inside before you catch another cold.'' He took your hand and pulled you inside.

You smiled. ''Thank you.''

''For what?''

_For being my friend even if you don't consider me to be._

''For everything.'' You decided.

You sat in comfortable silence until he sighed. ''I've been wondering.''

''Yeah?''

''Why do you want to die so badly?''

_Ah._

''Wanna hear something funny?'' You covered your eyes with your hand. 

''(Y/N)...?''

''At first, it was because life was so hard. I was failing and _still am_ failing all my classes, then people blamed me for their own mistakes and my mom basically abandoned me when I needed her the most.''

_And life wasn't even worth living. Because I'm useless._

''But then I met you and registered that 'whoa, I'm about to die' because I made this stupid choice. I began to see how amazing it is to live. I suddenly became close with people I never imagined I'd be friends with, I laughed to my heart's content, and I celebrated with them about the smallest things even if they weren't worth celebrating... I realized...''

You took your hand away from your eyes and felt tears pricking at the edges of them.

''That... I wanted to live.''

Chat let out a shaky breath and put his head in his hands. ''Oh (Y/N)...It's too late...Oh, mon dieu.''

_This choice didn't only hurt me, but it hurt him and will hurt the amazing friends I've been able to meet._

_I wish I never made this choice._


	7. Breakdown

Chat Noir's POV

''Name your price.'' The man sitting in the very extravagant office said.

Chat Noir grinned. ''One million.''

The man seemed to consider it a bit then nodded. ''Fair price. I expect it to be done by today?''

''Definitely.'' 

''Make sure to make it seem like suicide- I don't want any...issues with my company.''

Chat Noir gave him a thumbs up as he left, catching a glimpse of the clock that read 1 PM.

As he walked down the hallways of the company, he felt nauseous. 

Strange.

Shaking it off, he continued on his pursuit to find the man with the name 'Alec Cataldi.'

According to the CEO who's ordered to dispose of this man, he is a reporter who has tried to leak all the company's secrets to blackmail them with it. He has been successful so far but any more and the company would drop in stocks and reputation.

Chat landed swiftly on the reporter's back garden. For a second, he hesitated but knocked anyway, his baton in the other hand and a smile wide on his face.

The door opened slowly, revealing a little girl who looked no older than four.

_Oh god._

''Hello, is daddy home?'' He smiled despite his clear wince.

She looked up at him, brown eyes wide with innocence. ''A cat!'' With her tiny fingers, she attempted to grab onto his suit but her hands slipped right off as Chat chuckled. 

''What's your name, little one?''

The young girl blinked. ''Lucy Cat-old-ee.'' She beamed when she realized there was 'cat' in her name.

Smiling at Lucy's pronunciation of her last name, In one swift move, he had her in his arms. ''Up high!'' He carried her high up as she laughed.

''Cat!'' She poked his ears. He bent his head down so she can touch them and for the heck of it, he purred. 

Giggling, she made him giggle too.

Then he paused. _I'm getting off track._

''Where is daddy?'' he asked again.

''Cat!''

''Oh boy.'' he sighed.

Lucy still in his arms, he walked through the back door and looked around. ''Mr. Cataldi?''

No response.

_Who leaves their four-year-old daughter at home alone without locking the doors?_

''Well it's just me and you now, isn't it?'' Chat Noir huffed as she was all smiles.

Lucy seemed to be content with that. And it's not like Chat Noir had anything to do, did he?

His eyes darkened in sadness when he remembered the events of a couple of days ago.

_''I wanted to live.''_

_''Oh mon dieu...'' Chat places his head in his hands._

_''I know I'm hurting you, hurting myself and all the others around me, Chat.'' She whispered, tears falling from her eyes like rain._

_''But I want to spend more time with them, I wanted...to spend more time with you.''_

''Mister Cat?'' Lucy put her small hands on his cheeks. 

He broke out of his memory and patted her head. ''Take out all the Barbie dolls you have- we're gonna have a blast.''

''Yay!'' She ran towards her room happily.

_I wonder if I'm making a mistake._

Two hours later, Lucy was tired from playing and was currently sleeping while Chat attempted to clean up the mess that looked like a tornado tore through the house.

''I'm home, Luce!'' A familiar voice called out.

_It's him._

Alec Cataldi walked into the living room smiling and dropped his grocery bags, smile turning into fear. ''Ch-Ch-Ch-'' 

Chat Noir had his hand placed on the man's mouth and the knife obviously pressed into his back but not actually piercing him within seconds. ''Shhhh. She's sleeping, don't make a sound.''

The man was trembling but managed to nod. 

''So, I've been hired to kill you!'' He said cheerfully.

''P-Please, don't do it- m-my daughter, I have to take care of her--'' 

Chat Noir grimaced. ''I'm well aware of that.''

_Do it. It's your job. Do it Chat Noir._

''I'm sorry.'' He whispered, daring to glance at the little girl. The man's eyes widened as the black cat pushed the knife into his back, muffling Alec's scream. Blood splattered on his suit and cheek. 

''Daddy? Cat?''

Chat froze in horror as the little girl rubbed her eyes from sleep.

Blood dripped down the hilt of the knife as the man was crying- either from pain or the sight of his baby girl before he was about to pass on to the other side.

She ran towards her dad and hugged his leg. ''Welcom home!''

Then she saw the blood. Staring at it, she met the cat's eyes. ''Mister..cat?''

He pulled out the knife from the man's back in horror as he stepped back, bloodied and utterly _devastated_. 

Alec fell onto the ground as the girl screamed. She shook her unconscious father as she cried. ''Daddy!!''

_What have I done?_

Lucy looked at him in desperation. 

_No, no, no!_

He panted and felt his chest close on his heart. Unable to breathe, Chat noir bolted out of the house, away from the tears of the child he had felt some fondness towards within only a couple of hours, away from the man who would never get to see his child's smile again, away from  _his_ doings.

Chat found himself falling through the balcony door into (Y/N)'s room, pulling down the curtains with him. 

She ran towards him when she heard the commotion, panicked and worried. ''What's wrong, hey! Chat!''

(Y/N) put her hands under his arms and tried to pull him to the bed but felt something wet on her hands. ''Blood!'' She screamed, letting him go.

''It's not mine...'' He panted, eyes wide. He turned himself on his stomach and looked up at her. 

Fear.

Her eyes held insane fear, almost the same eyes she had when she had first met him. 

_Not you, not you. Only you, only you shouldn't fear me!_

His stomach lurched and he vomited all over her carpet, coughing violently.

''I-k-killed him, I killed him (Y/N), I destroyed an i-innocent family'' His voice broke as held out his hand towards her but she sat there, refusing to touch it, to touch  _him,_  who has murdered many innocent people for the sake of acceptance from his father and money.

No matter what he did, he could never atone for his sins. He could never wash away the blood on his hands.

Chat Noir was fated to be a murderer forever.

A liar.

He felt liquid dropping from his eyes and realized it was tears streaming down his cheeks, something... he hadn't felt in years.

''(Y/N)!'' he cried out in pain as she looked away. It was suffocating. He couldn't breathe.

_Why won't you look at me?_

''I don't want this anymore...'' He gasped for breath.

It hurt him. It hurt how she refused to look at him, it hurt how her looking unhappy hurt him, and it hurt when she hated him.

Suddenly, her warm arms embraced him from the world and he clung onto her like a little child.

Breath exploded in his lungs and he grabbed onto her tightly.

Chat noir was  _broken._ And the sight of him like this broke her too.

As he lay embraced protectively within her arms, he sobbed for the first time in years.


	8. Three Laws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY. I have punched some fluff in this :)
> 
> keyword: punched.
> 
> LOVE YA'LL, THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL COMMENTS!!! ;D keep em coming <3

Your POV

You ran your fingers through Chat's disheveled blonde hair as you watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He was snoring quietly, not that loud with his head in your lap. But you speculated it was the best sleep he has had in years, and probably the best cry in years too.

Despite the black mask covering most of his upper face, the stress lines around his eyes were gone and he looked like a normal human being who didn't kill people in their free time.

You dared to think that he looked almost  _angelic._

His breakdown allowed you to see a new side of him- a surprising one. Chat has always been a scary strong nightmare that walked the streets to the general public.

But to you, he was a tired, unfortunate kitty that deep down never wanted to do this.

''If only I had met you differently.'' You whispered. ''I wonder how it would've all turned out?''

Chat Noir grunted in his sleep and took a deep breath, stretching.

You suddenly felt glad to see such a sight. It was beautiful to say at least.

His sudden weight made you wince, however. ''Morning. How are you feeling?''

He opened an eye and yawned. ''A little bet-What?''

Then he got up. 'M-Morning!?'' Looking outside, he only saw darkness. 

''Oh you liar!''

You giggled at his shock. ''Is there something important you need to do? It's almost 5 pm.''

''I've been sleeping on your lap for almost  _two hours_?'' He asked in disbelief.

You nodded. ''Can't feel my feet but I didn't have the heart to wake you up.''

He had a strange look in his eyes and then looked away with a small blush. ''Weirdo.''

_I wouldn't do this to anyone though._

''Then let me take care of you.'' About to question what he meant, he scooped you up in his arms bridal style.

''What the- Put me down, Chat!'' You blushed, trying to remember how much you weighed. You hoped not much. Chat's warm arm was wrapped around your back and the other placed under your knees. Strangely, your stomach felt like it had butterflies.

''Consider it my thanks.'' He grabbed your jacket and wrapped it around you sloppily.

''Hold on, who's gonna clean the carpet  _you_  vomited all over?'' 

Chat Noir gave you a grin. ''You of course.  _Later._ ''

You sighed as he leaped out from your balcony. ''Where are you taking me?''

''Eiffel tower.'' 

You stared at him dumbfounded as he focused on jumping from buildings to buildings at. ''Holy shit it's col-WHOA Joke?'' 

''I don't think I'm scared of heights but I think I've developed a fear of being carried.'' You mumbled, trying poorly not to think of what would happen if he dropped you right here from this height.

_He wouldn't._

_..._

_I think._

_Not yet._

''That's a cat-astrophe.'' 

''Holy shit.''

He grinned. ''Cat got your tongue?''

''You said a  _cat pun.''_

''Wakey wakey, (Y/N). Mew a cat after all.''

''You aren't really a cat, are you?''

''Let's...avoid stepping into that zone.''

An awkward silence settled in before you decided to ask how he felt. ''So how...are you doing?''

''I'm trying not to think about it.''

''S-Sorry.''

He looked down at me and I realized how close our faces were. He seemed to have realized it too so instead he fixed his gaze forward as we got closer to the tower. "That was the first time."

"Hm?"

"That I regretted...killing."

Oh.

You carefully chose your words. "That is proof that you are human, mon chaton."

A smile graced his lips. "Mon chaton, eh? Doesn't fit with the words you just said. Anyway, thank you, _princess._ "

"You're welcome,  _honey."_ You bit back.

Chat spluttered out something like 'don't do this to me'. I giggled in return.

You looked over your shoulder and saw the beautiful Eiffel Tower in its proximity. It was lit up, it's bright lights illuminating the area below along with the houses people were lucky enough to live in.

"Whoa! It's so...marvellous." You said, breath taken away.

''Hold on tight.'' 

You couldn't comprehend what was going to happen when Chat started climbing up the Eiffel tower super fast.

''Hooooooooolllyyyy shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!'' You screamed, the cold wind slapping your face harshly. You shut your eyes tight that were about to dry out and hung onto Chat for dear life, all while he was laughing like crazy.

_I hope there aren't people down below._

Suddenly, the wind stopped and you opened your eyes. ''Welcome to the very top of the Eiffel tower, m'lady.''

He gently put you down onto the 'floor' as you looked below all around. ''Oh my gosh...'' You whispered, feeling dizzy. You felt yourself falling as his hand wrapped around your waist to steady you.

''Easy, we can't have you dying yet.'' He whispered against your ear, voice low.

Shivers ran down your spine as you spun around carefully to face him. ''Chat?'' In the darkness of the sky and the light of the tower, he looked like he was blushing.

''Mhm?'' He whispered, staring into your eyes intensely. You writhed under his stare and chuckled. 

''Are you blushing?'' You asked for confirmation.

''N-No! It's just the light.'' His warm breath hit your forehead and you noticed for the first time the height difference that was evident when you were standing practically pressed against him.

''Did you like it?''

You smiled from ear to ear. ''I loved it.''

Chat Noir didn't seem to listen to your answer as he leaned in slightly. Your eyes widened when there was only a couple of centimeters between your faces. His lips parted slightly as he closed his eyes.

_Ohmygod ohmygod_

He was very close to the point that you felt the heat from his face then, just as fast as it had happened, he threw his eyes open, a panicked look flashing in his eyes as he spun around quicker than lightning. He shielded you from whatever was approaching.

''Ch-''

''Shh!'' He hissed, looking around frantically. 

The peak of the Eiffel tower wasn't that big but a lot of things hindered one's sight to get a 360 degrees view. Footsteps echoed between the debris as Chat Noir hid you behind some sort of wall. He emerged out of the place as soon as a figure emerged behind the opposite wall.

''Ladybug!'' Chat Noir walked towards the woman clad in red and black. ''A nice evening, isn't it?''

_A syndicate member?_

''Cut the crap, Chat Noir.'' She glared at him then her gaze fell to the wall you hid behind. Chat Noir stepped into her view with a threatening smile. 

''Whatever do you mean?'' He asked innocently.

''The laws, Chat.'' She spat.

He knew what she was talking about. ''I have done nothing of such."

You were confused, laws? Ladybugs? 

"You've fallen in love!" She roared grabbing the black cat's shoulders.

_Love?_

Chat noir echoed your thoughts. "Love? I never knew you were one to make such jokes." He chuckled, a hint of nervousness in it.

Ladybug shook him violently. "You idiot! You may have not realized it but this..." she jabbed her finger on his chest where his heart lay.

"This has realized it since long ago!" 

_Chat...is in love?_

Chat stood there, dumbfounded. Then slowly, he looked her into the eye. "Love?" He repeated with a whisper, venom coating his words.

Grabbing her finger, she winced in pain. "Don't make me laugh, Ladybug!" 

You sat behind the wall, terrified, shivering from the cold and fear. 

The female broke out of his grasp and breathed out. "Then why haven't you killed her yet?" 

Chat Noir's hand fell away from the silver knife hidden in his pocket.

You couldn't see his face, but you knew he couldn't reply.

Since the night you confessed you didn't want to be killed, both of you had never brought up the topic again. You were glad, but you had neglected the consequences of the hidden agreement that he has not decided on anything yet.

Ladybug sighed. "Looks like you've got the answer."

She stood on the edge of the floor and looked at him one last time. ''Kill her.'' The way she said it was more like a plead than a statement. Then she jumped into the abyss below.

Chat still stood where he was, back to you, looking so  _tired_.

And it was your fault.

You always did everything half-assed.

You stepped out of your hiding place, which you knew that ladybug knew you were there the entire time. You couldn't help but feel that the conversation was a warning to  _you_  as well.

''C-Chat?'' You called out gently. Your ears perked as he mumbled something. 

''Law one,  _Members must commit to and complete the given job without fail._ ''

_What?_

''Law two... _Members must never, under any condition, reveal their identity to any third party_.'' His voice broke as he faced you, the same broken look trapped in his eyes.

''Law three...'' He closed his eyes in pain. '' _Members must certainly not engage in any love-related affairs whilst working under the Syndicate.''_

That's what they were talking about. The three laws.

''Oh Chat I-'' He put up his hand and stopped you from coming any closer.

Hurt flashed in your eyes as he shook his head. His gaze screamed out to you to not say anything, to leave him alone.

_This is all my goddamn fault._

Without a word, he scooped you up in his arms but this time, you knew it felt different.

You knew things were going to change from this moment on, drastically.

And you knew you were powerless to change anything of it.


	9. Silent Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I had the heart to write this but RIP.

Chat Noir's POV

A t-shirt flew into the air and landed gently on a little cat-like creature.

''Hey!'' He shouted, trying to wiggle out from beneath.

''Oops, sorry.'' Adrien grabbed the shirt distractedly and flung it into the correct direction this time- the laundry basket.

''Are you bothered about what Ladybug said yesterday?'' The little creature asked.

Adrien paused from where he was putting his socks on and looked at him. ''Plagg, claws out.''

''Oh shii--'' The creature, called Plagg, got sucked into Adrien's ring as a green glow surrounded him.

Chat Noir appeared in his place. ''We don't speak about yesterday.'' He mumbled, knowing Plagg could hear him but couldn't actually reply.

A knock interrupted the silence and he opened the door. ''Hey Nathalie.''

Surprised he was in his Chat Noir form, Nathalie raised on eyebrow. ''Good to see that you're eager. Your fa- Hawkmoth has summoned you in his lair.'' She corrected herself quickly.

Feeling nervous, he swallowed and nodded. ''I'll be there soon.'' And shut the door.

Ladybug...didn't tell him, did she?

His gaze grew colder. 

_I promise, Ladybug, if you told him **anything**  about (Y/N) or yesterday, know that it will be you who will be killed._

 

''I have heard that you have gotten a job request recently.''

Chat Noir was in Hawkmoth's lair which had a view that would be appreciated if he wasn't in the current situation he was in.

Heart beating fast, he nodded despite Hawkmoth's back facing him. ''Y-Yes.''

''I see. What was the request?''

Confused, ''...Which job fa- Hawkmoth?'' He asked.

The intimidating man turned to him slowly. ''The girl.''

_Oh god._

''F-Fine, the request was quite...strange.''

''Elaborate.''

Chat fumbled for words, words that wouldn't give away anything yet. ''She wanted me to kill her, spontaneously, if I may add.''

''I see.''

''I haven't decided anything yet.'' Chat said carefully.

Hawkmoth looked at him straight in the eyes and Chat Noir felt like he just dropped a time bomb on himself.

''Why so?''

_Goddammit!_

''My price!'' He said quicker than he intended. ''Rip away her happiness she's built up.''

With a quiet sigh, Hawkmoth spoke again. ''Finish it, as soon as possible.'' 

Chat nodded. 

''Yesterday-''

_Please, no. No!_

''You were supposed to make it look a suicide.''

Chat's eyes widened. He was glad it wasn't a discussion about yesterday night, but the job request he had gotten earlier that day haunted him- he had to make it look like a suicide. And he knew that sooner or later, he would be confronted about it.

''I-''

A glare stopped him from speaking.

''You violated the first law.'' 

''But the job- it was complete-'' Black butterflies tainted with purple fluttered around him and he knew something bad, something worse than he had imagined was coming.

He was right.

The butterflies transformed into people- the victims of Hawkmoth. Those who were 'akumatized' and couldn't ever escape.

With terror evident in his eyes, he called out to him in fear. ''Father!'' The akumatized people grabbed him as he thrashed around, trying to escape their grasp.

''Chat Noir, your penalty for breaking the first law of the syndicate is to be locked up in the silent room.''  

Memories came crashing down as he remembered the coldness, the pain and the fear he had felt that time, in that dark, lonely place.

''Anywhere but there, please!'' He pleaded, tears gathering at his eyes.

_Anywhere...but there!_

He kicked away a couple of people but far stronger ones chained him down as a cloth covered his nose and mouth.

Feeling his consciousness slipping away, he called out to his father one last time. 

''Please...father...''

And just like the past, darkness fell over his vision.

 

_It hurts._

Chat opened his eyes to darkness.

_In the end, I find myself here._

He panted as he tried to pull his sore arms free but the clinking of chains told him he was chained to the chair he was sitting on. Trying to move his feet, the metal locked his feet together. 

_I'm locked up, again._

Panic settled in his stomach as he panted harder. ''Let me out!'' He shouted into the abyss. He couldn't see anything, the fabric laying over his eyes further blocked out any source of light.

Chat Noir felt extremely claustrophobic.

''Let me out, let me out, let me out!'' 

No reply.

He trembled and screamed, trying to free himself from the chair for escape, for freedom.

His entire body hurt all over and he was sure he had untreated wounds.

''FATHER! PLEASE...I won't...do it again...'' He stopped his futile escape and collapsed further into the chair when no voice replied back.

There was no hope.

No one would save him.

Just like that time, he was all alone.

And he feared it.

 

It seemed hours before the silence was broken. He was about to lose his mind from the silence when the door creaked open.

''Who's there?'' His voice was hoarse from shouting and screaming.

A thump that sounded like a body hitting the floor made his blood run cold.

_No._

_Please._

_Please don't be (Y/N)._

''Remove his blindfold.'' Someone said. Footsteps walked towards him as he thrashed around.

''I swear I will fucking end you all the moment I'm out of here-'' The blindfold fell from his eyes as his gaze settled on the human figure lying near his feet.

''Ah...Ahh...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.'' Chat brokedown as he recognized the little girl Lucy who was now reduced to a bloody disfigured corpse.

Tears rolled out as the man who undid his blindfold kicked the young girl farther into the darkness, blood leaking out from her wounds.

''STOP IT, PLEASE! No more...NO MORE!'' He screamed, begging them to stop- to spare her life because  _the dead don't bleed._

She cried out a small cry of pain but fell unconscious. 

Chat knew she wasn't going to live long.

''Why...?'' He whispered. The man smirked.

I will wipe off that fucking smirk off your face, mark my words.

''She was the witness of your...job.'' 

''You fu-'' The man kicked him in his stomach before he continued, hard enough to make him and the chair fly backward. It exploded into a lot of pieces and Chat lay between them, groaning.

''Don't talk back, you weak assassin. Look what the famous Chat Noir has been reduced to- tears, screaming, emotions.'' He spat out. ''If you weren't Hawkmoth's son, you would be begging on your knees to stay alive.''

With that, darkness engulfed the room once again.

Chat collapsed onto the ground and found himself calling out to (Y/N).

''Save me...'' 

 

_''Fight properly!'' His father shouted. Young Adrien held up the heavy sword, blood dripping from his wounds. Tears threatened to fall but he was taught to not cry no matter what._

_Emotions were unneeded._

_''Haaaaaa!'' He shouted, his sword clinking with another. A sharp pain in his thigh sent waves of pain as the other person's sword collided with it._

_He collapsed onto the ground, crying. ''It hurts!!''_

_The light was blocked as a shadow stood over him._

_''Crying?'' His father threatened._

_Adrien stopped crying immediately and shook in fear from his place on the dirty ground. ''N-No...''_

_''I have told you so many times, no crying!'' A kick collided into his side, connecting with a wound that had not healed._

_Pain shot up his body as he heard his father shout orders. Then a pair of arms grabbed him harshly._

_''Father?!'' He looked at him, eyes wide with fear._

_''Lock him up in the silent room.''_

_Darkness covered his vision as he felt himself be transported somewhere, still screaming._

_Cold chains were violently attached to his small wrists and feet, then he was made to sit down on an uncomfortable wooden chair that barely sustained his weight._

_"Let me out!" He begged._

_"Not until you get rid of that emotion." His father's voice echoed._

_Then seconds later he said, "Do it."_

_That's when the true hell began._

 

Chat Noir was jolted out of his memories as food splattered onto the dirty ground.

He wasn't sure how long he has been here, but it felt like years.

Unconsciously, he hugged his knees to his chest and buried his head between his hands.

He missed her.

He missed (Y/N).

He glanced at Lucy who was still the entire time and tears welled up in his eyes but he blinked them away.

_It was my fault that she died._

_I ruined her life. She was going to grow up to be a healthy, kind woman who gave life and hope to others._

_But I took that all away._

...

Hope.

There is no hope.

_God knows how long they'll keep me here._

_It's better if I was off dead._

_All those whose blood is on my hands wish that._

_They hope I'll be dragged to hell, they hope my sins will crush my lungs._

_It's better off that I die._

(Y/N)'s happy, smiling face flashed in his mind as he jolted up.

_No!_

_I have to get back, I have to tell her, I have to finish what I was doing the day we were on the Eiffel tower._

But why?

_I want to feel her warm body, lay my head in her lap, and hear her soothing voice once more._

_I want to be there when she's so happy, I want to be the cause of her happiness every single hour, minute and second._

_I want to hear her laughter, hug her when she's sad, give her things that will let me see her beautiful smile full of hope._

_I want...to see her._

_I want to feel alive._

Chat placed a hand on his heart and closed his eyes.

He finally understood what Ladybug talked about.

This is love.

''I love you, (Y/N).'' He whispered to the lonely darkness.

Only the silence replied.


	10. Disappearance

Your POV

Two months.

Two long months have passed since you had last seen Chat Noir.

To say you were worried was an understatement.

You were downright, utterly, scared.

Scared you'd never get to see him ever again.

Scared it was your fault he abruptly disappeared.

But deep down you were slightly...very slightly, relieved. And you hated yourself for feeling that- because Chat Noir had become more than a stranger who was out to kill you. He became your friend.

Despite the interactions you both had, there was always a wall neither of you wanted to destroy- and even now with his presence suddenly gone, you were sure the wall expanded in width.

Distracted, you chewed on your pencil before it was suddenly taken away from you. ''That's dangerous you know.'' Someone said.

You looked up and saw Luka Couffaine, your friend. Luka had appeared a couple of weeks after Chat and Adrien's disappearance, and you both hit it with each other pretty quick.

''You could accidentally bite off this part,'' he gestured to the place where you can hang the pencil from, ''and swallow it.'' 

Smiling, you rested your head into the palm of your hand. ''Oh Luka, always worrying for people.''

''Not all...'' He mumbled. ''Only you because you are the only one who genuinely likes me.''

You recalled his first day of school and sighed internally. The poor boy had tried to impress his class by telling what each of them felt via music but his nerves had got to him and...well, he messed up big time.

''Sometimes I regret being the only one who 'genuinely likes you.''' You teased. 

''Aw, don't say that, (Y/N)!'' 

_It was good to meet Luka, who was so open and cheerful. It was a nice change after being worried about Chat Noir's safety or wherever he was._

''Anyway, wanna go out after school today?'' 

You thought about it and then nodded. ''That would be wonderful.''

High fiving, you each went to your seats as the teacher entered the class.

_He is a great friend._

You closed your eyes.

_Yet why do I feel so...guilty?_

**Later...**

''Whoa!'' Your foot collided with nothingness as you plunged into the air when a hand grabbed you before you gave a painful kiss to the ground.

Luka hauled you up and sighed. ''What would you do without me?''

''Die, most likely.'' 

He chuckled and shook his head. ''I've noticed you tend to be less careful towards your life when you have something you're thinking about.''

''That's...really observant of you.'' You blinked. He's only known you for what, a month and a half? 

Maybe he really can read people via music.

He shrugged with a grin. ''Shall we?''

''Mhm.''

As you walked side by side, you noticed your confidence had grown ever since meeting Chat and going on a 'date' with Adrien, now you were walking next to one of the most attractive men in your college without a second thought.

Smiling to yourself at the memory of your 'date', Luka smiled along with you despite not knowing what went on your head. He was only happy to see you happy.

''You should smile more.'' 

Feeling a little hot even when the weather was still freezing below 6 degrees, you scratched your cheek nervously. ''Thanks.''

He noticed your discomfort and apologized quickly. ''I'm just saying, it- it suits you- smiling.''

''Oh god.'' You groaned, hiding your face in your hands. ''You're making the situation worse.''

Luka groaned along and facepalmed. ''I'm not good with words.''

''No, but I appreciate you either way.'' You giggled.

''I feel honored.''

A comfortable silence settled in as you passed Andre's ice cream, looking at it, Luka asked if you wanted ice cream.

''Not today.'' You replied.

You missed Adrien. The model had disappeared around the same time Chat noir had, but his father released a statement that his son would be in Tokyo for photo shooting for a while. You were excited to see his photos of him dressed in the traditional clothing of Japan, you were sure he was going to look great.

''Again.'' 

''Eh?'' You said, meeting Luka's gaze.

''You're thinking about Adrien aren't you?''

Surprised, you raised an eyebrow. ''How did you know- about Adrien, and...how did you know I was thinking about him specifically?''

''I've heard from your friends.'' He shrugged. ''Plus I heard you were quite close friends, so of course, you'd be thinking about him.''

Then with a smug look on his face, he asked, ''Am I right?''

You playfully pushed him. ''No.''

''Interesting.'' He smirked.

''Stop acting so suspicious.''

''Can't help it, it's in my blood.''

''Liar.'' You decided. A small smile fell on his lips.

 

As you both walked, a crowd of people who were gathered near the town square blocked your path. They were shouting and screaming. As you peeked over their heads, you asked a female nearby. ''What's happening?''

Luka stood next to you and stood tiptoe on his feet, tall enough to see.

''Kill him! He doesn't deserve to live!'' Someone shouted.

''I guess it's what people call...modern execution?'' The female turned to you and replied.

Your eyes widened in horror as you met Luka's own eyes.

''L-Luka?''

He shot into the crowd, you following him, shouting. ''Luka! Hey! Wai-'' Someone slammed into you as you flew into the opening, away from the crowd. ''Ouch...'' You complained, raising yourself up from the ground.

A pained gasp made your eyes flicker to the figure amidst the crowd. 

As if the world was laughing at you, was planning to torture you more than you've already been tortured, Chat Noir sat slumped right there. Chains held down his body from moving with blood dripping from his wounds. He looked broken.

His gaze met yours and they held such fear, pain, and...what was it? That feeling, that painful feeling.

You felt your bag slip onto the ground and loud with a loud thud-but at this moment, nothing mattered.

You wanted to end his suffering.

Your feet moved on their own, pushing Luka out of the way as you reached out for Chat Noir- his eyes begging you _._

 _Save me..._ You heard his voice whisper from far away, along with words you didn't comprehend.

 

**Thud.**

Your eyes shot open as you were up on your feet within seconds from the bed, heart beating rapidly. Placing a hand on it, you sighed and looked around.

You were safe in your home.

Hands shaking, you drank the cup of water placed beside your bed.

_Chat noir.._

An unsettling feeling in your stomach told you the dream wasn't random- there was something- something he was trying to tell you.

Was it even possible? 

§When...had the dream started?

A cold breeze passed through the open window and you got up to shut it. Memories flashed to your little midnight talk with Chat Noir that only seemed like it was days ago, when in reality, it's been two months.

Sadly, you sighed.

_Wherever you are..._

You stared at the dark sky filled with softly-lit stars.

_Please be safe and come back to me._

_I miss you._

 

''So yeah, it was a disturbing dream.'' You finished and leaned back into the comfortable pillows.

Luka looked deep in thought. ''And you saw...'' He trailed off, indicating that you should probably answer who you dreamt about, but you didn't.

''It doesn't matter.'' 

Something flashed in his eyes but he blinked it away. ''Okay. Okay, so you think that person is sending you a message? Like the things you see in movies?''

You nodded.

With a sigh, he relaxed his shoulders and blinked. ''That's so...''

You braced yourself for a turndown.

''-Believable!''

''What?'' You said, surprised.

''I mean come on, you heard their voice saying save me, eyes practically screaming at you to end his suffering- it just sounds so  _real_!'' Luka exaggerated.

You chuckled and grinned at him. ''Thank you. For believing me.''

''What are friends for?'' He clenched his hand in a fist and you bumped fists. 

''I think I should go now, I still have to write my essay for tomorrow.'' You groaned.

He nodded. ''Want me to drop you home?''

''No, that's okay.''

''You sure? It's d-''

''-angerous for a girl like you, yeah, yeah.'' You rolled your eyes and replied gently. ''I've heard that lots, Luka.'' 

''I'm just worried.'' He led you to the main door.

''I know, and I really do appreciate it.''

''Have a goodnight.'' He huffed as you stepped out into the dark hallway.

''You too.'' You smiled.

Halfway down the street, you realized you had forgotten your phone. ''Should I go and get it?'' 

You decided you probably should. Jogging lightly, you reached the apartment complex and knocked on his apartment.

No reply.

_He couldn't have slept so quickly._

_But he could be showering..._

A little thud made you open the door slightly and peek in. The apartment was thrown into darkness.

''Luka...?'' You called out.

Still no reply.

Gathering your courage, you walked in and tried to look around. Where was the light switch?

You couldn't remember.

Something brushed against your hand and you screamed, slamming into the wall which fortunately was where the light switch was. The room exploded into light and you blinked it away as a mostly invisible figure loomed over you, eyes threatening and scary.

Somehow you always found yourself in such situations.

''(Y/N)?'' The figure jumped back in surprise. Now that he wasn't so close in your face, you realized he had a similar costume to Chat Noir's, but it was the color of the wall behind him so you had to narrow your eyes to see him.

''Who are you? What did you do to Luka?'' 

As if he wasn't ready for such a question, he pursed his lips together and fumbled with his nails.

Then you realized.

His hair, his nervousness, that habit of his-

''What am I feeling right now?'' You asked.

''Nervous.'' He replied immediately. Then his face morphed into horror and he facepalmed.

You smiled. ''Hey Luka.''

''Nothing ever gets past you, does it.'' He snapped his fingers as a white glow surrounded him. The blue haired boy appeared in his place. A little creature appeared beside him but hid when he saw you.

''It's okay Naoko'' He whispered. 

''You shouldn't have done that!'' The little creature hissed. 

Luka looked uncertain for a second but shook him off. 

_That creature must be what transforms him._

''Since when?'' You asked gently, afraid that the fear in your voice would betray you.

Luka looked away.

_Oh._

''I...don't think I'll hate you?'' It came out as a question and you waited.

''Since I was 6 years old.''

''Oh my god.'' You put a hand to your mouth.

_They've been training them to be assassins since childhood?_

_That means Chat Noir too..._

He looked at you again. ''You really don't hate me? I...I killed so many people-''

''It's true that your crimes can't be justified nor forgiven...''

His face fell.

''But there is always redemption.'' You smiled.

The small smile came back.

''However, it doesn't mean that I forgive you.'' You added.

''Oh.''

''What's your power?'' You changed the subject.

His shoulders tensed. ''Morphing into whoever I want and anything.'' 

''That's so cool.'' 

''Thanks.''

You decided to tread into the danger zone. ''You...You know Chat Noir?''

His eyes gleamed with nostalgia. ''Yes, we trained together when we were young. He...He was a great friend.''

''Then...do you know where he is?''

Luka looked at the window and had a faraway look in his eyes. ''Probably where he doesn't want to be.''

''What does that mean?''

_Stop being so unclear!_

''Your dream is a big clue. It all made sense. Hawkmoth probably locked him up.''

Then he looked at you, sadness evident in his eyes. ''That boy...He doesn't like to be locked up.''

Your heart broke into pieces.

This was all your fault.

''C-Can't we save him somehow?'' You pleaded.

He shook his head. ''He's- Hawkmoth is too strong. And his victims who were captured are too strong.''

''Please!'' You found yourself begging him. ''End his suffering- please!''

A pained looked flashed in his gaze and shook his head. ''It's impossible- going against Hawkmoth is suicide!''

''Is he not your friend!?''

Silence settled in between you. 

Then he walked over to you slowly and placed a hand on your cheek. ''If only you stopped looking at him and looked at  _me.''_

''Luka?'' 

_What does he mean?_

He backed away, his hand slipping away from your cheek. ''Will it make you happy?''

''Eh?''

''Saving him- getting him back here safely. To you.'' He mumbled.

You didn't know what to answer.

_Would I be happy?_

You remembered how much he seemed to have suffered in your dream and swallowed.

 _Yes, y_ our heart whispered. 

 _No, y_ our brain said.

You closed your eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Then your eyes fluttered open and you met Luka's sad gaze.

''Yes. Yes, it would.'' 

''Then... that is what I'll do.'' He transformed into his alter ego within a second, the little creature getting sucked in his belt.

You watched in amazement as he stuck out his pinky finger.

You wrapped your own around his and he smiled. ''I pinky promise Chat Noir will come back safe. I treasure him...as much as you do.''

''To us who have been stripped away from their childhood, this means the world to us,'' Luka whispered.

_Oh god._

A fire burned inside you, the fire of hatred for those who did this to them.

Now more than ever, you wanted to save Chat.

''It's time I go, it's easier to infiltrate in the night.'' He stepped on to his balcony, preparing to jump out.

''Luka!'' You called out.

He turned to you.

''Be safe.''

He gave you a courageous smile and leaped out.

_Why does this feel like a big, big mistake?_

 


End file.
